Why ‘why’ matters

Why ‘why’ matters

I’m not entirely sure where this one is going this week so I’m writing with a hope that it will take form and make sense by the time I get to the end.  Whilst I’m not sure where this blog is going to finish up today, I do know why I’m writing it –

1. I’ve made a commitment to write every week I’m not on away from the practice on leave, to keep the website updated, and to share (hopefully) interesting thoughts and concepts that relate to therapy / trauma / healing and recovery.
2. Because I am often inspired by conversations that have come up in the practice with clients during the week and want to share current themes in order to help provide a sense of connection and normalcy.
3. Because I love writing.

Because the commitment that I have made to myself to write every week is a habit ‘goal’ it’s been really important for me to cling to the reason I do it (the why) in order to maintain the weekly habit for what is now over three and a half years…that’s a lot of words.  On the days, like today, when I’ve been super busy (went to my first ever reformer Pilates class and didn’t make a fool of myself, in addition to PhD research, time with my kids, meal planning, cooking, walking and cleaning the practice) this why is the thing that keeps me motivated.

I’ve been mulling this idea over a few times this week because in addition to it coming up in therapy sessions, I was also reminded of its importance with regards consistency and commitment to maintaining habits when I was listening to a podcast (Steven Bartlett with Dr Vonda Wright discussing ageing well – click HERE).  Now there’s a whole bunch of background around the importance of ‘why’ from a psychological perspective that came into the mainstream and business space a few years back when Simon Sinek did a TED Talk and wrote a book called ‘It all starts with why’ and he explained the concept of the Golden Circle from the perspective of running a business / leadership:

I’m not going to spend too much time here but suffice it to say that of all the questions, ‘why’ you do a thing – whether it’s making washing machines, writing a weekly blog, or going to therapy – is something you really need to be clear about.  It’s not only the reason you’ll get out of bed in the morning, but it can help provide motivation and purpose when life is more struggle-town than peppy-TED Talk-town.

Now there’s a whole thing about having a ‘why’ for your life – like the reason that you’re on this earth at some meta-level – and I don’t want to focus on that bit so much in this blog because I actually think that we actually need to have our why’s sorted out for all the big and small parts of our lives.

• Why are you married / in a long-term committed relationship?
• Why do you go to therapy?
• Why are you a vegetarian?
• Why do you exercise every day?
• Why are you doing a PhD?
• Why do you go to bed at 10pm every night?

I could go on…but my point is that sometimes we start doing something with a messy purpose that isn’t appropriately tethered to a why and we wonder why we find it so hard to do the thing.  For example, if you’re exercising “to lose weight” *sigh* and your scales tell you that you haven’t lost any for the last 4 weeks, but you are sleeping better, your skin is brighter, and you feel less sad.  You might stop exercising and miss out on all that good stuff that came with it, when maybe you just needed to have a different story around why you’re doing the thing.

Remember as human’s we’re all meaning-making beings so the why is SUPER important – the story we tell ourselves is what we believe.  Back when I was swimming competitively, the reason I got up every day at 4:27am to get into the pool was because I was a swimmer, and I had competitions to train for – my why was all about those.  Now though, the reasons I exercise are because I know I feel better (mentally and physically) when I move my body, I want to age as pain-free and as ‘well’ as possible, and it’s also tethered to my values of authenticity and integrity – it’s a bit crap if I research in the space of physical activity // mental health AND work in mental health but don’t exercise!  So, if you’re finding tension around certain parts of your life, maybe have a look at your values and why you think you’re doing the thing(s)…they probably need a tweaking.

If you’d like somewhere to talk about your ‘why’ please get in touch with us: www.theabaker.com.au / hello@theabaker.com.au / 03 9077 8194.